THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES
Season ZERO
Season ZERO
We talk to ourselves.
Then the inner cast talks back.
Welcome to The Basement Dialogues
These are not children's stories.
AWE-21: No Kids Allowed.
Season Zero: D'yer Mak'er
Season Zero: D'yer Mak'er
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES -
Episode Pre-Zero "I Contain Multitudes"
(A monologue episode by The Maker)
INT. BLACK ROOM --- ABSOLUTE STILLNESS
The grid glows faintly.
Silence breathes.
A figure --- The Maker --- stands center frame.
Rainbow light ripples from within him, faint and slow, like a heartbeat rediscovering itself.
He exhales.
THE MAKER
(soft, measured)
There is a moment...
right before a thought becomes a thought...
where anything is possible.
A beat.
THE MAKER
Most people never notice it.
They're too busy feeling like themselves.
Or trying to.
(steps forward)
But you ---
you wandered in here because something inside
you...
a crack, a shimmer, a little cosmic itch ---
asked a question.
Why am I like this?
The grid lines pulse once.
Faint.
Reverent.
The MAKER
Welcome to the space between the question and the answer.
(smiles gently)
The Basement Dialogues haven't begun yet.
Not the ones you can hear, anyway.
But, I'm here.
And they've already begun in you.
He raises a hand.
The hot pink Perry Mode poster flares behind his head.
THE MAKER
Inside every mind, there is a cast.
A chorus.
A small parade of voices wearing your clothes,
mimicking your fears, borrowing your memories.
(sincere)
You are never just you.
Not once.
Not ever.
He lowers his hand.
THE MAKER
I know.
Because I contain...
multitudes.
The clock silhouette glows behind him --- barely
visible, but felt.
THE MAKER
Time doesn't move the way you think it does.
It folds.
It bends.
Sometimes it chews.
(beat)
And in chewing ---
characters fall out.
A faint laugh echoes --- not sinister, more like a secret you've known forever but forgot.
THE MAKER
Soon, you will meet them.
Punk Chimp.
Thaddeus Bloom.
Blue Onesie.
Brown Cloud.
Mythmaker.
(lean's slightly forward)
They are not figments.
They are fragments.
Pieces you left behind in the rooms you don't remember entering.
The Maker steps back.
The rainbow aura deepens into cosmic haze.
THE MAKER
Where there is fracture...
there can also be fiction.
Where there is fiction...
there can also be truth.
(smiles softly)
And where there is truth...
there is always a conversation waiting.
The grid lines swell outward, stretching space, expanding the frame.
THE MAKER
Episode 0 will begin soon.
But before that:
remember one thing.
He raises both fists --- not to fight, but to anchor
himself.
THE MAKER
You are not broken.
You are simply ---
(a faint electrical bzzt above.)
THE MAKER(side-eyeing upward):
--- what was ---
The lights flicker once. Twice. A high-pitched eeeeee
--- POP.
A tiny shower of sparks falls from somewhere above.
THE MAKER
Oh, come on...
Another louder ZZT-ZZZZT, like an electrical panel blowing somewhere off screen.
THE MAKER
UNBELIEVABLE. WHAT in the good Lord?...
The lights stutter violently now. The shadows twitch. A low grinding hum builds, like a failing generator.
THE MAKER (breaking):
Son of a --- Seriously, this has to happen right now? I am right in the mid ---
One of the overhead lights explodes with a soft poof, releasing a little cloud of smoke.
THE MAKER
WHAT IN THE ENRON IS GOING ON HERE?
The last remaining overhead light flickers like a dying firefly ---
CLICK. Total darkness.
THE MAKER (in the blackness)
... okay. Nope. Absolutely not.
A crunch under his foot.
The MAKER
What... in the molasses?
(He motions and mutters to himself as if he had an audience)
Then a sharp TOY SQUEAKS.(perrrr!)
He stumbles, trips over something soft and weirdly bouncy.*
THE MAKER
Blue Onesie! Are you time-traveling again and leaving your toys in MY LIVING ROOM?!
What is this --- a... plastic banana... a fork... an actual drum stick, maybe?
He picks it up. It begins vibrating violently and emits a rising WHEEEEEEE-BOOMP.
A harmless puff of glitter explodes in his face.*
THE MAKER (coughing glitter, offended)
Where's your fuse box, huh, punk?
(The Maker appears to be scolding the toy as he wipes the remaining amount of glitter from his tired eyelids)
(
He swats at something shimmering; a holographic cube blinks on and off like it's having a stroke.
THE MAKER
Nope. I'm done. I am done for today.
This whole "pre-creation enlightenment monologue" needs a reboot.
He turns directly to the camera, dead tired.
THE MAKER
Can we just... finish this another time?
I need a hot shower, double-fist a couple of Hot Pockets, and six uninterrupted minutes of Two and a Half Men reruns.
It's been an infinitely long day ---
and trust me,
you don't wanna know... Let's just say... there was feces involved. Uh, yep...
Beat. Total darkness.
THE MAKER (from the void)
Episode Zero starts... whenever I get my life in order. Peace out!
TITLE CARD:
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES
Pre-Zero --- "I Contain Multitudes"
The Cast of Characters
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES - EPISODE 0
"BLOOM WHERE YOU'RE PLANTED"
I(Setting: The Mythmaker's Basement)
COLDS OPEN -- "THE CRAYON CONSPIRACY"
INT. MYTHMAKER'S BASEMENT -- DAY
A cozy, cluttered subconscious made physical:
` mismatched rugs
` a giant old furnace that shouldn't be this warm
` boxes labeled "Not Yet," "Later," "Oops," and "Forgotten"
` string lights
`Incense and crayon smell
`the Perry Mode poster hanging crooked
` a faint humming noise you can't place
BLUE ONESIE sits on the floor, arranging crayons into a perfect rainbow arc. He is in mid-conversation with Punk Chimp. Punk holds a green crayon upside down as if it was a microphone.
Punk Chimp
(Sincere)
Do you know you're somebody's inner child?
BLUE ONESIE squints deeply, as if looking inward.
BLUE ONESIE
No... I'm just me.
But I do tend to glow when people remember to play with me.
Punk Chimp nods seriously.
PUNK CHIMP
That tracks.
Punk Chimp hands Blue a crayon
Punk Chimp
Do you know your inner child glows infinitely?
BLUE ONESIE
Only when I'm brave enough to listen.
PUNK CHIMP
That's right! How did you know that?...
THADDEUS BLOOM enters, flip-flops softly slapping the concrete.
He freezes.
BLOOM
Hey... don't let me interrupt the truth-telling circle.
CUT TO THE TITLE SEQUENCE -- toy piano + surf guitar
SCENE 1 --THE DISCOVERY
BLUE ONESIE rummages through a cluttered shelf.
He knocks over a cardboard box labeled "NOT FOR TODAY."
Inside is a small, cracked handheld mirror -- broken into six uneven shards.
He looks into it.
Every shard reflects a different fragment of his face
BLUE ONESIE
It broke into feelings.
He hands the mirror up to Bloom.
BLUE ONESIE
You take it.
You have the most faces.
Bloom laughs softly.
BLOOM
Thanks... I think?
PUNK Chimp
He means you're layered, man.
SCENE 2 -- THE MIRROR TEST (MAMMA LOU'S CLOCK + FOGHORN
Bloom lifts the mirror toward his face.
POV --- MIRROR REFLECTION:
` BLUE ONESIE in one shard
` PUNK CHIMP making a face
` MYTHMAKER'S silhouette grinning
` BROWN CLOUD looking like he didn't agree to be here
` A faint ghosted CLOCK behind Bloom
` Specifically: Mama Lou's kitchen clock shaped like an apple
(It should NOT be there. It's not in the room.)
Bloom goes pale.
BLOOM (soft, shaken):
... It's Mama Lou's clock
TING.
a delicate bell from nowhere.
A long beat.
THE FURNACE in the corner suddenly erupts with a full steamboat foghorn:
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH."
The basement shakes.
The Perry Mode poster flutters.
Dust rains down from a rafter.
PUNK CHIMP
(pumping fist)
"LOVE YA, MAMA LOU!!"
Blue Onesie giggles while nodding like this is normal.
BROWN CLOUD
WHY IS THERE A FLIPPIN' STEAMBOAT IN THE FLIPPIN' HEATIN' SYSTEM?!
Mythmaker yells from upstairs:
MYTHMAKER
"HAAAA-HAA! MAMA LOU HEARD YA, BLOOM!"
SCENE 3 --- THE THREE-TIER EMOTIONAL DOWNSHIFT
The mirror flickers.
Bloom's breathing steadies.
THE FURNACE emits a softer, three-stage emotional collapse:
"PING... ding... CLANK."
A mechanical exhale of understanding.
PUNK CHIMP
That one felt... wise.
BLUE ONESIE
The house remembers her... Ma-ma Clock. (whisper-like, with his hand over the side of his face as he whispers)
SCENE 4 --- BROWN CLOUD'S MINI-SCENE (THE FURNACE INCIDENT)
Brown Cloud wanders near the furnace.
BROWN CLOUD
(grumbling)
Why does this thing always BREATHE at me?
The furnace WHOOMPHs --- warm, soft, unsettling.
Brown Cloud leaps back.
BROWN CLOUD
SEE?!! It sniffed me!
He turns suddenly toward the Perry Mode poster.
BROWN CLOUD
And YOU stop judging me with your colors!
Punk Chimp smirks.
PUNK CHIMP
Poster's vibin', man. You're projecting.
BROWN CLOUD
I'M NOT PRO--
(voice breaks)
--jecting...
TING.
He clamps both hands over his ears.
BROWN CLOUD
STOP!!!
BLUE ONESIE takes his hand gently.
BLUE ONESIE
Your inside-you wants a hug.
BROWN CLOUD
(soft)
...Okay, maybe like a micro-hug.
BLUE ONESIE hugs him around the waist.
The furnace WHOOMPHs approvingly.
SCENE 5 --- THE ROUND TABLE
The group sits around the cracked mirror, placed reverently in the center.
BLOOM
Everyone's got an inner child.
Some hide. Some cling.
Some panic-ting.
PUNK CHIMP
Everybody's got something to hide!!! --- Except for!!!..
(Punk sings badly and trails off)
BROWN CLOUD
STOP saying "ting!" Are you Jamaican? Because you're Jamai-caan-mee-cra-zay!
(Brown Cloud attempts to drown out the sound with his hands over his ears)
PUNK CHIMP
My inner child's just me but shorter, and with worse impulse control if you can believe that...
BLUE ONESIE
My inner child has an inner child.
His name is Sparkles. Sparkles gets car sick when feelings go too fast.
Mythmaker enters, cackling like a Midwestern talk show host.
Hee-heeeeeee!
Mythmaker
Inner child's the part of you that remembers...
and the part that forgets.
At the same time.
He taps the mirror.
Mythmaker
The thing ain't broken.
It's honest.
SCENE 6 --- FRAGMENT MONTAGE
A surreal montage:
` Blue Onesie whispering to a mirror shard
` Punk Chimp flexing in a shard but seeing a scared younger version
` Bloom reflected as child Bloom, teenage Bloom, 20's Bloom, current Bloom
` a tiny Brown Cloud in the fetal position screaming, "Remember to hydrate your emotions!"
TING.
SCENE 7 --- BABY TUGBOAT
Brown Cloud stands too close to the furnace while ranting:
BROWN CLOUD
I am NOT fragile! I'm just a little---
(kind of shrill)
--- emotionally temp-sensitive!
The furnace emits:
"bwooo."
(a tiny, pathetic baby-tugboat foghorn)
Brown Cloud SCREAMS and leaps into Punk Chimp's arms.
PUNK CHIMP
Yo RELAX, dude!
That wasn't even a full foghorn!
That was like...a lil' baby tugboat!
TING.
SCENE 8 --- THE MEANING LANDS
Bloom kneels, holding the mirror.
BLOOM
We're all here.
Every age. Every version.
None of them wrong.
BLUE ONESIE places a shard in Bloom's hand.
BLUE ONESIE
Keep it.
So you don't forget the littler you.
Bloom smiles softly.
PUNK CHIMP (quietly):
Love ya, Mama Lou.
TING.
SCENE 9 -- EPISODE BUTTON
Brown Cloud straightens his shirt.
BROWN CLOUD
Okay. That was nice...
Mythmaker calls down from upstairs:
Mythmaker
That's Episode One, pals!
Who wants a juice box?!!
Blue Onesie, PUNK CHIMP, and Brown Cloud (unrehearsed but still in unison)
Me!!!
Roll Credits
End of Episode 0
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES - EPISODE 1
" The Best Version of Us"
COLD OPEN
The furnace in Mythmaker's basement releases a long grinding whale-moan that vibrates the exposed pipes.
PUNK CHIMP sits on the Febreesy-scented couch, cross-legged but visibly tense --- the kind of tension that comes from a thought he hasn't admitted yet. BLUE ONESIE is stacking crayons into a rainbow tower. THADDEUS BLOOM leans on the laundry sink, sipping tea from the AWE mug. Mythmaker adjusts the lava lamp until globs hover in perfect symmetry.
A quiet beat.
Then ---
BLUE ONESIE
(whispers)
It feels... floaty today.
BLOOM
Yeah, pal. Some days have that lift.
Even if you're not sure why.
The furnace emits a sudden one-second foghorn, loud and nautical.
PUNK CHIMP
(startled)
Nope. Nope. Absolutely not.
We're not doing another "possessed appliances" arc.
MYTHMAKER
Maybe it's not possessed.
Maybe it's announcing a new chapter.
PUNK CHIMP
Yeah? Well maybe I'm announcing it should cut it out.
The foghorn stops instantly.
PUNK CHIMP
(under breath)
... That's worse. Way worse.
TITLE CARD
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES --- EPISODE 1
"The Best Version of Us"
ACT 1 --- THE DISORIENTATION
The room settles. Bloom eases up beside Punk, softening his surfer-dad voice.
BLOOM
Hey, man... you okay?
You've got that "mid-existential-round 3" eyebrow thing going on.
PUNK CHIMP
I've just been thinking, okay?
Like... Episode 1 got weird --- IGWO weird.
And today? Everything feels... undefined.
Mythmaker tilts his head knowingly.
MYTHMAKER
When nothing is defined, everything is possible.
PUNK CHIMP
Thanks, Yoda.
Real comforting.
BLOOM
Actually... he's right.
The unknown is where anything can happen.
Punk pauses. Those words hit something he wasn't expecting.
BLUE ONESIE
Maybe you're just... becoming.
Punk stares at the crayon, unsure whether to laugh or cry.
ACT II --- THE MEMORY DOOR
The overhead chain lamp flickers. The lava lamp hums deeper. and the eyes that make up the Perry Mode poster appear to be glowing .
Something shifts in the room --- a subtle pressure change.
MYTHMAKER
There is a memory asking to be met.
A wooden door appears suddenly where the tool shelf used to be.
PUNK CHIMP
Oh we're definitely not doing portals today.
BLOOM
It;'s not a portal, dude.
It's a metaphor with a hinge.
Just open it.
Punk hesitates... then pulls the handle.
Inside is a soft glow.
And standing in the blow is a younger Punk Chimp --- wide-eyed, tender, untouched by cynicism.
YOUNGER PUNK
Hey.
PUNK CHIMP
(voice softening)
...Hey.
The others watch quietly, recognizing the gravity.
MYTHMAKER
(gentle, cosmic)
We remember the best version of ourselves...
even when we think we've already outlived it.
But it's still there whenever you're ready.
A small shiver moves through the room. Punk Chimp's chest tightens.
PUNK CHIMP
I thought I lost you.
I thought... I ruined everything.
YOUNGER PUNK
(shaking head)
You can't ruin me.
You just tried to outrun me for a while.
Mythmaker steps closer ---not intrusive, just present.
MYTHMAKER
The only way out...
is from within.
Everything in the basement seems to inhale at once.
MYTHMAKER (CONT'D)
You don't escape who you've been.
You meet them.
You walk back through the door you locked behind you.
That's how you leave the maze ---
not by breaking the walls...
but by remembering you built them.
Punk's eyes glisten, but he doesn't look away.
PUNK CHIMP
So... this is it?
This is the way out?
YOUNGER PUNK
(smiling softly)
It always was.
A warm glow expands.
The younger Punk fades into it like a memory returning to its rightful place.
The door slowly dissolves back into the wall.
ACT III --- INTEGRATION
Punk returns to the couch, breathing easier but changed.
BLUE ONSIE
So... are you still scared?
PUNK CHIMP
(honest)
Yeah.
But I think I'm done pretending I'm not.
BLOOM
(grinning)
That's the whole trick, man.
You don't conquer the unknown.
You enter it.
MYTHMAKER
And you do not enter it alone.
Brown Cloud drifts down from the rafters and lands on Punk's head like a sleepy hat.
BROWN CLOUD (hrrrrtt)
(He makes a horn-like fart sound with his mouth)
Just kidding, haha...
(grumbling)
You guys always do the big emotional goo when I'm not looking.
Everyone laughs --- including Punk.
The furnace gives a soft, polite ding.
Bloom raises his mug.
BLOOM
Surely...
He's cool.
Punk smirks.
PUNK CHIMP
Yeah.
I'm cool.
And I'm ready.
CUT TO BLACK
END OF EPISODE 1
COLD OPEN --- INT. MYTHMAKER'S BASEMENT --- DAY
The basement is its usual vibe: cozy, cluttered, a little too lived in.
The couch is slightly crooked. The overhead bulb flickers.
BLUE ONESIE suddenly gasps.
BLUE ONESIE
MY SOCK IS MISSING!
BROWN CLOUD
(near panic)
Aw, fudge rounds! Which one!? WHICH ONE!?
BLUE ONESIE
(tearing up)
The blue one with the little moons... the one that keeps my toes brave...
BLOOM
Hey, pals, relax...it's just a sock.
(takes a deep breath)
Let's all just take a big, deep---
BROWN CLOUD
TIME OUT! TIME OUT, TIME OUT!!
THIS IS SOCK SORCERY! YOU CROOKED SOCKS, BLAST YOU!!!
MYTHMAKER seated in the corner like a contemplative statue, chuckles ---
a sudden, unmistakable country-bumpkin type of laugh.
Everyone freezes.
Stares.
Mythmaker smiles serenely Grandmpa-esque smile as if nothing happened.
CUT TO TITLE CARD:
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES
EPISODE 2A --- THE IGWO EPISODE
SCENE 1 --- THE SOCK WAR
Blue Onesie then places another pair of matching socks on his hands like puppets.
BLUE ONESIE
Sock-buddy one!
Sock-buddy two!
Look --- they're BEST friends!
The sock puppets hug.
He makes them kiss.
BLOOM
(trying to be zen)
Hey man, every sock has a journey.
BROWN CLOUD
(arms flailing)
Shazam!!! THAT DOESN'T HELP ANYTHING!
The missing sock appears....
on the railing behind them.
No one notices yet.
SCENE 2 --- THE BLACK LIGHT INCIDENT
Bloom stands on the stool replacing the ceiling bulb.
BLOOM
Alright pals --- new bulb.
Fresh start.
New light.
Just breathe ---
He flips the switch.
THWUMP.
The basement fills with BLACK LIGHT.
Teeth, dust, banana stickers, eyeballs --- all glowing neon purple.
BROWN CLOUD
SHAAAAZAM!!!
We're in a RAVE! A RAVE, BLOOM!!
BLUE ONESIE
Why is his face glowing!?
The light flickers back to normal instantly.
Everyone is stunned.
BROWN CLOUD
(whispers)
... flip you, man.
SCENE 3 --- THE COUCH CUSHION TREASURE
Bloom reaches into the couch to adjust the cushions.
He pulls out:
- A crisp $100 bill
- One ancient, stale Cheeto
BROWN CLOUD
FUNKY-MONKEY!! BLOOM'S RICH!!
Bloom eats the stale Cheeto.
CRUNCH.
BLUE ONESIE
(recoils)Ew!! Why would you ---
BLOOM
(shrugging)
Hey man... it was right there.
Still Cheesy.
(Bloom says under his now cheesy breath.)
Brown Cloud finds another stale Cheeto in the same spot.
Then another.
Then another.
Everyone becomes paranoid about the couch.
SCENE 4 --- THE FURNACE MARKING
Brown Cloud wanders over to the furnace.
BROWN CLOUD
WAIT A MINUTE ---
He points.
On the surface: a perfectly placed green banana logo sticker.
BROWN CLOUD
(trembling)
This is... BRANDING PROPAGANDA!!
We're being FOLLOWED!
We're being WATCHED!
(hushes everyone and points to the ceiling)
00
Bloom tries to peel it.
It won't come off.
MYTHMAKER
Some symbols appear when needed.
He walks away.
Everyone stares.
SCENE 5 --- THE HUMMING
A low, unsettling hum fades in.
It moves around the room --- like a drifting frequency.
BLUE ONESIE
(Is it scared or excited?)
I hear the sock calling me...
BROWN CLOUD
TIME OUT, TIME OUT, TIME OUT!!!
I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS HUM!!!
BLOOM
Pals...it's just a house sound, okay?
MYTHMAKER
(smiles knowingly)
Not all sounds belong to machines.
Bloom blinks.
Brown Cloud whimpers.
Blue Onesie waves at the invisible hum.
The couch cushion rotates when no one's looking.
The mug relocates itself to the other side off the room.
A banana peel appears on the table.
Everyone is spiraling ---
except for Punk Chimp,
who hasn't spoken
FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE.
He sits in the corner, wide-eyed, quiet, gripping his knees.
It's unsettling.
We KNOW something is coming.
SCENE 6 --- THE CATCHPHRASE CACOPHONY
Everyone begins unconsciously spamming their catchphrase in escalating panic:
BROWN CLOUD
HEY!!
Shazam!!
Funky-Monkey!!
TIME OUT!!
BLUE ONESIE
Why is everything SPARKLY!?
Giggle dance!
(Blue Onesie raises both arms in the air and spins his belly as if he was holding up a hula-hoop)
Rainbow storm!
BLOOM
Hey man ---
Meet yourself where you are ---
Let's take a deep breath---
Hey bud ---
Be soft on yourself--
MYTHMAKER
Observe the feeling!
All voices overlap.
A surreal chorus.
A kaleidoscope of chaos.
The hum grows louder.
Camera drifts slowly toward Punk Chimp.
He sits there...
Frozen.
Wide-eyed.
Breathing lightly.
Quiet.
He stands.
Silence drops instantly.
SCENE 7 --- The IGWO MOMENT
Punk Chimp steps forward into the center of the room.
His voice is soft.
Shaky.
Almost embarrassed.
The room holds its breath.
PUNK CHIMP
Dude...
you been outside today?
Beat.
PUNK CHIMP
Yeah...
it's getting weird out.
Silence.
Absolute silence.
The hum cuts out.
Everyone stares at him like he just spoke a prophecy.
Bloom swallows.
Mythmaker smiles gently.
Brown Cloud freezes mid-shiver.
Blue Onesie hides behind a cushion.
Bloom steps toward PC.
SCENE 8 --- BLOOM'S PEP TALK
BLOOM
Hey, pals...
you just gotta meet yourself where you are.
He pauses.
inhales.
Then --- almost imperceptibly ---
Bloom glances at the audience.
A soft, knowing, slow look.
It lands.
Deeply.
CUT TO BLACK
CODA --- THE ECHO
INT. BASEMENT --- SAME MOMENT
The room is dim and still.
BLUE ONESIE sits in the center of the floor with his sock puppets.
Everyone else is quiet.
Recovering.
He reenacts the moment with gentle innocence:
BLUE ONESIE (Sock 1):
"Dude..."
BLUE ONESIE (Sock 2):
'You been outside today?"
BLUE ONESIE (both socks, whispering):
"Yeah...
it's getting weird out."
Then he lets out a tiny, upward "Hehe" giggle.
Everyone freezes.
Mythmaker releases another random, goofy country-bumpkin laugh as the whole gang deadpan stares back at him.
Bloom smiles softly.
Brown Cloud mutters,
"...Alrighty..."
(EVERONE still staring at The Mythmaker)
CUT TO BLACK
Soft hum returns.
ROLL CREDITS.
eyes
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES - EPISODE 2A
" The IGWO EPISODE"
EVERYONE IS IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION AS THEY WERE IN EPISODE PREVIOUS WHICH WAS EPISODE EPISODE 2A: THE IGWO INCIDENT
MYTHMAKER
(grinning with an awkard silence)
"Whoo---oh, Nelly! Someone tell Grandma that Grandpa is on the sauce... oh, boy..."
(The room turns)
MYTHMAKER
"Ah"
(beat)
"I see Blue Onesie has introduced you to..."
(He points toward the sock puppets on the table.
MYTHMAKER:
"The Weird of Samsara."
The room stares blankly.
PUNK CHIMP
"What is that?"
Mythmaker sits forward.
MYTHMAKER
"It's a ride."
BLOOM
"What ride?"
MYTHMAKER
"You wake up."
"You chase things."
"You avoid things."
"You explain things,"
"You worry about things."
And the whole time the mind keeps on saying..."
The mind points toward the IGWO sock puppet.
MYTHMAKER
"This time it will be different."
Silence.
BROWN CLOUD
"So what's so weird about that?"
Mythmaker smiles softly.
MYTHMAKER
"You can step off."
The room stares.
PUNK CHIMP
"Why would you do that?"
Long pause.
Mythmaker looks around the room.
MYTHMAKER
"You say to yourself, 'Self, this time it will be different.'"
(Tada-style pose and blank stare with an agape mouth)
Realizes no one got it.
He chuckles quietly.
Shakes his head.
MYTHMAKER
"eeeee-oooooh, boi, exxactly."
Bloom leans forward in his chair.
Staring at the floor.
Thinking.
Like he's remembering something difficult.
BLOOM
"You know..."
(long pause)
"I had some red and white off-label mushroom soup once."
The room turns toward him.
Bloom nods gravely.
BLOOM
"Buddy said it was homemade."
Another pause.
BLOOM
"And let me tell you something..."
"It sat perfectly."
PUNK CHIMP
"What does that mean?"
Bloom shrugs slightly.
BLOOM
"I don't know."
"But about two hours later..."
(beat)
"I realized I had been arguing with a tree."
Brown Cloud leans forward.
BROWN CLOUD
"So who won?"
Bloom slowly raises his hand about a foot above the table.
Flat.
He studies the height.
BLOOM
"It was one of those..."
"...banzai trees."
He measures again.
BLOOM
"Sat yay tall."
Bloom begins gesturing with his hands.
Trying to explain.
Getting flustered.
BLOOM
"And the tree still---"
His hands shake slightly.
BLOOM
"---the tree still won!"
Bloom slowly raises his fists like he's replaying the moment.
Then gently lowers them.
A small respectful nod.
Surrender.
Silence.
Blue Onesie stares up at him.
BLUE ONESIE
"You lost a fight to..."
(beat)
"...to a baby tree?"
Bloom considers the question carefully.
Long pause.
He shakes his head.
BLOOM
"Well"
(beat)
"No...punches... were thrown."
BROWN CLOUD
"So it never got physical?"
Bloom shakes his head.
BLOOM
"We de-escalated."
(beat)
'I think the soup helped with that."
Punk Chimp nods slowly.
PUNK CHIMP
PUNK Chimp
"That's responsible."
to walk
Bloom nods.
BLOOM
"You gotta know when to walk away, ya know?"
Blue Onesie throws his hands up in exasperation.
BLUE ONESIE
"From a tiny tree?!"
The room freezes.
Mythmaker watches the whole exchange from the corner of the room.
MYTHMAKER
"Exactly."
He Starts walking toward the basement stairs.
Halfway up he begins laughing hysterically.
Mythmaker (upstairs)
"The Weird of Samsara"
More laughter echoes from upstairs.
Back in the basement.
Silence.
PUNK CHIMP
"Okay, so... what was the exact argument between you and the bonsai tree anyways?
Bloom thinks.
Long pause.
BLOOM
'I was trying to convince it...
(beat)
"...that Mondays are real."
PUNKCHIMP
"I think the tree may be right.'
"W
CUT TO BLACK
ROLL CREDITS
THE BASEMENT DIALOGUES - EPISODE 2B
" The Weird of Samsara"